Miles Asteri, now 38, spent years living in the shadows, a consequence of a difficult childhood dominated by the fear of his father. This fear dictated his choices, from avoiding school events to carefully managing his interactions with the outside world. However, he decided to confront his past and step into the spotlight by participating in the reality show “The Traitors.”
Miles explained that his decision to appear on television was driven by a desire to no longer let his father’s actions define him. He acknowledged the risk that his father might re-enter his life, stalking him and his mother, Anna, now 62. Anna added that she hopes their story will resonate with others who have faced similar challenges and demonstrate that hope is possible, even in the darkest of times.
Anna recalled her initial relationship with Miles’ father, describing him as a charming and attentive man who swept her off her feet. However, this facade quickly crumbled, and the relationship turned violent.
The Onset of Abuse
Anna recounted the first instance of physical abuse, which occurred when she was six months pregnant. She described the shock and disbelief she felt after being struck, stating that she should have left immediately but was young, pregnant, and believed it was an isolated incident. Unfortunately, the violence escalated.
Statistics show that domestic abuse during pregnancy is a significant issue, with a substantial percentage of cases beginning during this time. Many women seeking assistance from domestic violence charities are either pregnant or have recently given birth.
There were multiple instances of abuse, including one where he headbutted her while she was holding Miles as a baby. She also remembered him accusing her of always feeding the baby before him, revealing his jealousy of the child’s attention.
Anna described how her partner would often push or hold her by the neck during arguments, and this became a horrifying norm in their relationship. The constant physical abuse resulted in a wound inside her mouth that never fully healed.
Psychological Impact
While the physical wounds eventually healed, both Miles and Anna emphasized the lasting psychological damage. Anna, who had always been a strong and independent woman, felt her spirit being eroded by the constant abuse. She acknowledged that she became resigned to her situation, accepting it as her fate.
Miles also suffered, experiencing heightened anxiety on Thursdays and Fridays, which he later realized coincided with his father’s increased violence and intimidation during weekends.
The Decision to Leave
Anna knew she had to leave the relationship for her and Miles’ safety, but she was terrified of the consequences. She was right to be concerned, as abuse often intensifies when a victim attempts to leave. Studies show that it often takes multiple attempts for a woman to leave an abusive relationship permanently.
Miles vividly remembers witnessing his father physically attacking Anna on the kitchen floor and feeling powerless and guilty as a child. He also recalls instances of trying to protect his mother by grabbing his father’s leg to make him stop.
As a young child, Miles was often caught in the middle of these terrifying events, struggling with the decision of whether to intervene or stay out of it.
Escape and Stalking
When Miles was four years old, they fled their home in the middle of the night and sought refuge with Anna’s mother. They eventually moved into their own apartment, but his father continued to stalk them.
Anna recounted how he would appear at her workplace and loiter outside their apartment building. She described the fear and anxiety of constantly looking over her shoulder, never knowing when he might appear.
One particularly terrifying incident involved them hiding in a dumpster to avoid him. He was standing just yards away, fixated on their apartment window, unaware that they had slipped out the door and were hiding nearby. They remained hidden for hours, afraid to move, until they were sure he was gone.
Miles recalled the constant fear of being taken away, as his father had often threatened to do. This fear was compounded by the fact that abusers often use family court systems to continue their harassment and control.
Miles emphasized that domestic violence extends beyond physical abuse, encompassing emotional and psychological trauma that can have long-lasting effects.
Anna described their lives as being in a constant state of lockdown, restricting Miles’ ability to play with friends, communicate with pen pals, or go on trips due to the fear of his father.
She also expressed her disappointment with the police’s response at the time, stating that they were largely unhelpful.
Lingering Trauma
Even after Anna obtained full custody of Miles, the fear persisted. They lived in a state of constant vigilance, always looking over their shoulders, unaware that his father had suffered a medical crisis that impaired his ability to function. They only learned about this much later, when Miles was in his late 20s.
Anna confirmed that she was constantly nervous and afraid to leave the house, always looking over her shoulder. She lamented the lack of support available to them during that time.
Miles explained that research in child psychology shows that children who witness a parent being abused suffer the same psychological damage as if they were the direct victims of the abuse.
Miles stressed the importance of not allowing abusers to define one’s identity. He stated that it took him a long time to realize that his father’s actions were not a reflection of him and that he should not carry that burden.
Moments of Joy
Despite the horrific experiences, there were also moments of joy and love, particularly stemming from Anna’s unwavering dedication to her son.
Miles became emotional when recalling a photo from his fifth birthday party, where Anna and his stepfather had created a joyful celebration despite the difficult circumstances. He expressed gratitude for their efforts to create positive memories in the midst of a challenging situation.
Anna emphasized the strong bond between her and Miles, stating that their shared experiences had made them incredibly close. She declared that she would fiercely protect him from anyone who tried to harm him.
A Message of Hope
Anna offered a message of hope to others who are experiencing domestic abuse, urging them to share their problems with trusted friends, family members, or support systems. She emphasized that keeping everything bottled up can be detrimental and that seeking help is essential.
She concluded by stating that a happy ending is possible, that it is possible to escape abusive situations, move on, and find happiness.